


Rewind, Replay

by axilet



Category: Persona 4
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Community: badbadbathhouse, Gen, Time Loop, Video Game Mechanics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-27
Updated: 2012-11-27
Packaged: 2017-11-19 16:04:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/575086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/axilet/pseuds/axilet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hell is repetition. Souji, New Game Plus, and the toll it takes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rewind, Replay

**Author's Note:**

> Written for a prompt on the kinkmeme: 'Souji, after who knows how many New Game +, at last falls into the TV world, and creates his own mindscape the IT must go through to confront him, and his inner thoughts.' Edited for clarity.

Alone in the carriage, Souji sat and stared out the open window. On the other side of the glass the wind tugged at the trees and sent the leaves flying; yet the air on his face was cool and dead. Of course - this was nothing more than an illusion, a construction of his mind. All lofty gables and grandiose arches, and yet, in the end, nothing more than an idea. Incomplete.

A sign flashed past. Souji did not bother to read it. He knew what it said. He knew what it  _always_  said. Of more immediate concern-

He was no longer alone. Or, if looked at another way - nothing had really changed; his only constant companion had always been himself.

"I was waiting for you," he said quietly.

His Shadow smirked at him from the other row of seats, arms spread and legs up, as confidently as though it owned the place. In a sense perhaps it did. If the troubled landscape of Souji's thoughts was the blueprint for the train, the eternal sign, the Shadow was its architect and its constructor. This was the walls around Souji's mind made real. This was the turmoil of his heart manifest in the constant rattling of the train over the tracks, the empty seats and the wind and the sun he could see but could not feel. _  
_

"Yeah, for someone to talk to," the Shadow said. "Can't stand the silence, right? Couldn't stand the _noise_  either. All of them, crying and begging and clinging. Like we haven't solved their problems for them a hundred times before. A thousand times. Forever and ever." It smiled; a cruel, triumphant smile. "Well, problem solved! We got them all to sod off, didn't we?"

"No, I -" Souji clenched his fists and forced himself to stay calm.  _A Shadow always speaks truth. Even when it lies_. "I know. I was wrong." The admission came harder than he had expected; when was the last time he had to say  _sorry?_  A gift ( _a curse_ ) from always knowing the right words to choose. "I suppose...I was just tired..." He rubbed hard at his eye with one knuckle of his right hand; as the cycles mounted his body had become rife with twitches and reflex actions, his inner restlessness chafing against the mask he'd been forced to don, again and again and again. The fingers of his other hand curled, pressing his nails into the meat of his palm. If he cut deep enough he thought he might bleed words instead of blood - all the pretty, polished lines he'd long memorized until he could recite them backward in his sleep, and with the same lack of meaning. 

"Well, things certainly turned out differently this time," the Shadow said with a laugh. "I was surprised, you know. Didn't think you actually had the guts to stir things up like that-so much for 'unbreakable bonds', huh?"

"I shouldn't have taken it out on them," Souji said, fighting to meet his own gaze. Justifications curled up and withered in his throat; the Shadow already knew them all. "They don't know anything."

"Yeah, yeah, innocent little lambs, the lot of them." The Shadow examined its fingers, bored. "Except..." A sudden, nasty look, passing over the placid features like a storm. "I  _am_  you. I _know_ you. You haven't forgotten...have you?"

"I didn't mean to hurt them," Souji insisted. A freshet of words bubbled under his tongue; horrible as the Shadow was, it was...almost a sort of catharsis to be allowed to speak honestly, to be unafraid of betraying a future knowledge or a forbidden secret; to be free from the stifling bonds of his social links. There was no need to worry about hurting his own feelings. "Everyone has thoughts like those. As long as you don't act on them..."

The Shadow leaned forward, hunger in its yellow eyes. Looking right at him. " _How do you know?_ "

"...What?"

"Everyone thinks like that?" The Shadow shook its head in mock disapproval. "Your friends, your dear friends...how would they react if they knew  _those_ thoughts?" It smiled, looking out at the sun that was always fixed low in the orange sky. "Would they forgive you, knowing too well the Shadows that lurk deep in human hearts? Or would they...but that question has already been answered, hasn't it?"

Souji said nothing.

"Why did you come here?" the Shadow demanded, rising. It looked, suddenly, bigger and less human than it had a moment ago. Its eyes _glowed_  through the gathering darkness."You knew death awaited you here. Why did you come?" It loomed over him, grinning, waiting for the answer, the denial it so desperately craved.

Souji shrank back, suddenly acutely conscious of the danger he was in. The air in his lungs burned with cold. "I wanted to know  _why_ ," he gasped, choking out the words. "It, it doesn't matter if I die-I thought-I might know the answer somewhere deep inside. Why I keep returning to Inaba, why things never change..."

His voice failed, lost in a violent shiver that ran down the length of his spine.

The Shadow's smile had jagged teeth in it now. "That's why," it agreed, and Souji almost sagged with relief. "But that's not all..."

It reached out, grabbing Souji's neck, the tips of its claws just pricking his skin in a mockery of gentleness. "You and your precious friends always came in the nick of time, didn't you?" it breathed softly into his ear. "Just in time to save a life..." It angled his head towards the carriage door, its grip tightening imperceptibly-Souji choked, pulling ineffectually at the unyielding arm. Black spots danced in front of his eyes.

"You wanted to know why you keep coming back?" the Shadow asked, its voice thin and far away. "Well, the answer's right there in front of your eyes. Go ahead, take a  _looong_ look. You've got  _plenty_ of time to think about it."

Through blurring eyes Souji stared at the door as the Shadow laughed and laughed.  _They won't come. Not after what happened._

He waited for the door to open.

He waited for an eternity.

- _end_


End file.
